Bryan's Story...

On a beautiful spring day, almost 22 years ago a very special boy was born.  He had a normal life, an older sister, and a beautiful mother.  He was loved and loved back.  He grew up in the valley of the sun where he flourished academically and socially.  His first love was a girl named chess, and he played her exceptionally well.  He was a handsome young man and I recall the moment I met him making a deal for an arranged marriage when we grew older.  His name was Bryan Rowan, and this is his story.

The funny thing about bipolar disorder is that it shows up like puberty to a preteen; unannounced and completely unprepared.  Textbook tells us that if genetically disposed, something like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia usually manifest's itself between the ages of 18 to 21... and Bryan was, unfortunately, a textbook case.

Bryan at his home in Sedona, AZ

Bryan was a senior at Saguaro High School, had been taking college courses since his freshman year, was given a scholarship in Lacrosse and was on his way to Arizona State University.  Bryan was a total gamer.  He initiated paintball tournaments, Halo parties... ohh and then there was online gambling.  From such a young age he was addicted to online poker, and from an outsiders perspective, this was the first noticeable manifestation of his mental illness.  He started noticing that his hands would tremble as if he couldn't control them, his palms would sweat and he noticed himself having a hard time talking to people.  He finally opened up, telling his mother he constantly felt "anxious".  As any mother would she assured him what he was going through was normal, some form of "senioritis".

Bryan & his mother 

Time flys by and now Bryan is a freshman in college.  His mother realizes maybe he should be screened to see what's going on here and comes out diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder.  Being the strong soul that he is he pushed through the freshman year successfully.  I think the climactic point of his story starts here.  The last year and a half of Bryan's life was a struggle he had never had to deal with before. Having a moment of clarity he utters to his mother "Mom, I can't believe this is happening to me", neither could she.  Bryan rolls through medication after medication, pretty much trying everything under the sun.  His body reacts only temporarily before becoming immune to all these new substances.  Out of the blue Bryan makes a crucial choice to experiment with a good friend and smokes a synthetic marijuana substance referred to as "spice".  His mom references this moment as the catalyst for the downward spiral that is about to occur.  He was never brought back to reality since that moment.

Flash forward several months... Bryan is now out of school due to the fact that his learning ability has be adversely affected, not to mention his confidence. He started spending a lot of alone time at a near by mall and meet a real nutjob named Emma.  Emma introduced Bryan to a world of drama, drugs, and eventually death.  On one occasion she brought him over to her fathers house, who was recently released from rehab, and he gave them both bath salts to experiment with. Great idea right? Ends up losing his job due to a wild night of near death drug abuse. Of course as in typical drugie fashion, Emma leaves Bryan for a significantly older man who is supposably a film producer.  Bryan hits rock bottom in a depression over the loss of his phenomenal girlfriend, (hope you're catching my sarcasm), and stops taking his current medication. Obviously that move, in my opinion, is what leads Bryan down his next path.  He slowly starts giving away valuables, and things with sentimental value. Bryan begins  isolating himself the next couple weeks and then his mother gets the call that is every mothers nightmare.  Bryan is found dead in an ally.  It kills me to write this entire post, especially to end it with that last statement, but I just wanted to share his story.  I want whoever reads it to take whatever they can out of it, I don't have a specific point I'm trying to convey... I just want people to be more aware of what's going with the people close to them.  It's so unfortunate that most of his "good" friends were truly shocked and had no idea anything was wrong with Bryan.  I really hope Bryan knows how much he was adorned and how much he will truly be missed... I just wish I had the chance to tell him now....

I Love You Bry xo
RIP